Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent hosts spent the airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys all he touches."

The subject was the new plan which enables overseas individuals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" option for five million. An official portal pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note here to wealthy foreigners: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid economic concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.