These Advice from A Father That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."